Sunday, November 14, 2010

Scraping the Bottom of the Barrel: this week's flicks

Wow. Only had time for a couple of films this week.

I went off the beaten path this week on purpose and entered the horror/cult film section. I figure if there is a cult film, I should at least see if I can figure out why it got there. Some were just terrible, but others were funny-terrible. I only watched a couple. I couldn't take much more than that.

Thr3e- by Robbie Henson
Plot synopsis: THR3E (based on the novel by Ted Dekker)

Innocent lives hang on the whim of an elusive psychopathic murderer whose strange riddles and impossible timelines force three people into a mission to end the game before one or all of them die. The number three figures prominently in the story and most obviously seems to refer to the number of days in the unfolding storyline, but ultimately comes to represent something far more strange and significant.

Wow, what a mess of a movie. It started off all right, but then turned into a crazy mess that made absolutely NO sense whatsoever.  I usually like watching Marc Blucas from the Buffy Days, but he's wasted in this film. And there are so many continuity problems you just start shaking your head in wonderment. Especially when key plot points rest on them. PASS on this one big time.

Zombie Lake- They're waiting for YOU somewhere BENEATH the Surface!- by Jean Rollin
Premise:In a small village, somewhere in France, German soldiers, killed and thrown into the lake by the Resistance during WW II, come back.

Wow, this was something that I couldn't decide whether to laugh at all the way or just wonder how the hell it got cult status. Yes, it's true that the director was so embarrassed about this movie that the credit is J. T. Lazer.
I'm not sure how a film gets a cult status. Maybe because it's just so bad?  This is a french film, dubbed and the nudity alone would be worth the price of admission if it just wasn't so ridiculous. The best part is when all the nude girls are playing in an obviously murky and gross swamp, but the underwater scenes are clearly shot in a crystal clear swimming pool. I love that the zombies actually have green paint unevenly all over their bodies. And that they are apparently breathing as they swim underwater. There are so many goofy things in this film it is very laughable. The soundtrack is great, especially with the zombie and his apparent daughter scenes.

The 1970's clothing when it's supposed to be 1945 is great, and the stumbling zombies just make you want to yell- "Stop looking at the camera!!! Please!!!!" So yes, i thought this was very funny. The zombies all look like the Incredible hulk and the deaths are hilarious. I've never seen so much red paint in my life. I can see why you need to see it, but when you do, make sure you are doing something else constructive, or this will sap the life out of you. Not even the unbreakable bond between nazi zombie and his french daughter can keep you going. Weird as that is.
Is this the WORST zombie movie ever? A lot of people say yes. I could be one of those.
I have to include this insight from a reviewer on IMBD

ZOMBIE MAKEUP: green hands & face paint with movie blood, which often washes off in underwater scenes which seem to be shot in a swimming pool with a greenish curtain backdrop.

DE-ANIMATION METHOD: Napalm them to dust with a flamethrower! ZOMBIE FEASTING?: these are what I call 'necking zombies'. They don't feast in traditional Romero or O'Bannon sense; they simply chew at necks and drink blood like they are pretend vampires. Their victims, however, do NOT turn into zombies.
STORY: During the OP credits we see an attractive woman strip down for a skinny dip in a lake like a bad attempt to recreate a scene out of 'Jaws' or 'Piranha'. She ignores a warning sign by knocking it over. It's not a simple 'no swimming' sign mind you, but a skull and crossbones that would seem to indicate some reasonable level of danger. Needless to say, she gets killed by a zombie. Another village woman gets killed and her father pays the mayor a visit wanting it investigated.

The mayor tells a visiting reporter about the haunted lake with some mumbo jumbo about black magic sacrifices being done there and Nazis killed by the local resistance whose bodies were dumped there for hiding. Now the Nazis are back as zombies killing locals.

A van packed with a girls' basketball team strips down for full frontal underwater footage (while indescribably bad cheesy music plays) and the girls are attacked by zombies whose makeup is coming off almost as quick as the girls' clothes did. Inept horror movie cops are dispatched to investigate.
 And can you believe it that this film was shot in ONE day? Yes. Yes, I can. Watch it. You just have to.

I Spit on Your Grave by Meir Zarchi
Premise: The film follows Jennifer, a writer who is working on a new novel and needs to get out of the city to finish it. She rents a riverside cabin in upstate New York to work on her novel, attracting the attention of a number of rowdy male locals. They catch Jennifer one day and strip her naked for the village idiot (Matthew) and rape her. Jennifer is later attacked and raped a further two times by the four degenerates, and her novel is also destroyed. But Jennifer recovers, and in her now-twisted, psychotic state, she begins to seek revenge on the men.

Uh yes. The only thing about this movie that isn't twisted is the way that she gets revenge. I guess i watched this because apparently this is one of those films you should see in the cult world. That, and I believe there is a remake in the works- though apparently the lead actress already did a sequel called I Dance on your Grave, where she is raped another 6 times. She must have some kind of weird fascination for that. Very weird.

This is a brutal film with several rape scenes that are awful, so be warned.  It's really disturbing although I liked the death sequences of her attackers. The bathtub scene is so callous it's quite something. Amazing plot holes throughout- if you can give this film a plot- I know that the minute I arrive at the cabin I've rented to write in, I just peel off all of my clothes and dive in naked. And I would certainly never call the police. No way. Why not when you can off then all by yourself using your body and forgiving nature? Only see this if you've seen every other sick kind of film in this cult genre.

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